Love-take the risk

School day today. I am slowly trying new recipes in my cookbook and improvising.

I have gotten into the habit of listening to a jazz radio station on my Itunes music player. It is really relaxing, and I am developing a really big crush on the genre in general. It is improvisational, unpredictable, and its rhythms jive really well with my spirit and way that I like to be--For instance, when I listen to jazz, it is like it funnels all of my thoughts along a nice pleasant road.

Anyways, last night I was writing about my weekend spent with Matteo. It is all cute and nice to describe our relaxing weekend together, but a few moments stood out more than others. Sunday, Matteo drove me back to my apartment in Milan. I was slightly depressed because he would leave soon. He helped me set up and organize my new domestic purchases in my room, including a small 9 Euro shelf to place next to my desk. At the end, he rested his arms on my shoulders and we had this conversation:

Me: "Thanks, Matteo, you are so special. What would I do without you?"
Ma: "Dear, you know I love you."
Me: " Seriously, you know-you make me happy---you are my Italy"
Ma: " And you, baby Dear, you are my America."
Smile
Me: "I hope you like the place."
Ma: "Its fantastic."

Now, please note that I am translating and summarizing--so it sounded a lot less cheesy in the real version (I hope). Also important detail--my name is officially "Dear" to him. haha. Aside from these small moments, I will confess that I love the sincere deep look in his eyes when he looks at me. This is love ladies and gentlemen.

I was having a conversation with my colleague, Amber, today. She is a cool American girl in her thirties living in Milan, and we have a really nice rapport. We usually walk to the train station together, and talking to her is like a breath of fresh air because not only do we speak the same language, but we have the same type of sarcasm-based anglo-saxon humor, we share stories, and waste no time making jokes about the incredible particularities and frustrations attributed to the Italian system. We especially like asking questions that can only be rhetorical in this country--because most things don't make sense!

I hope that I will some day be able to fully express the incredible nature of this country--the good, the bad, and the why--what makes it tick--this unique tick that can only be created by the Italian personality and history. Amber and I talk about everything from men to traffic to the extraordinarily long teacher meetings (where EVERYONE must have a say), etc. However, besides discussing the unconceivable traffic patterns today, she gave me some advice.

I mentioned my growing affection for Matteo that has brought about small inhibitions due to the fact that a future that is not easily foreseen or devised. From a girl who has lived outside of the US for quite some time now, she blatantly said that my attitude and tendency to plan and ask "where and how is this going to work" is a very American way to view my current situation. Without this conversation with Amber, I had already decided that I would have to embrace this relationship day by day, seeing where it took me. Therefore, this is my plan. The road map takes unexpected turns--one that no GPS navigator can expect or predict. This applies to both life and love. Therefore, I'm learning to throw away the guide--take life day by day--work hard, love it, and live it up.