Mosquitos, Meds, and life goin' nowhere.

Friday September 18th, 2009

I am eating a delicious late lunch that I have prepared for myself, and I am very frustrated as to the fact that I have no internet. I am not surprised to discover how dependent I have become with my computer—email, online information, online newspapers, translations, bank accounts, etc. By far, I am mostly agitated that I have no convenient means of calling my family, and I’m agitated for this reason.

I have just come home from a job interview, and I had lots of things that I would have liked to discuss with my mom, dad, siblings, or best friend; however communication is never easy considering the time zones and our dependence and allegiance to the internet for our contact. Oh well, I guess I will have to be patient to talk with them later.

It is mid-day, and I am practically falling asleep. I made a mistake in going to the Pharmacy because they gave me an antihistamine to combat my many mosquito bites, and I took it during the day. Obviously you are supposed to take one in the morning, but my reaction to these medications is never favorable for clear thinking or productivity. I feel like a zombie, and I could lay my head down on this table and sleep. Grrr! You might ask why I am in need of this medication?

Well, I currently have 32 mosquito bites on my face and neck because those damn bugs ate the hell out of me the other night when I was sleeping. I tossed and turned for two nights in a row because I heard them flying by my head, and I had repellant spray rubbed all over my body—at one fitful sleepy moment, I sprayed the crap all over my face so as to protect myself and allow a more peaceful sleep. To no avail. The second night, I covered my body from head to foot in long sweatpants, a fleece, and socks; the outcome was worse than then expected because they only bit up my face and my hands even though I buried my face in my pillow for half the night. It was a nightmare, and I was completely paranoid. My roommates leave the windows open, (and in turn I close them) and we live near a water canal, which explains for their predominance in this area. Yesterday, I looked like I had chicken pox, and my one shy and timid classmate looked at my face with a smirk and asked what happened! Haha. Therefore, last night I went all out with precaution. I lit a “zampirone” which is a slow burning spiral that emits smoke to repel them, and I placed one near my bed and the other on my desk. Normally they are meant for outside your windows instead of indoors because they emit a rather unpleasant smell, but I was desperate! I also covered from head to foot, including wrapping a scarf over my face and neck in talibanish-fashion. I slept without the mosquitos last night, but I was very uncomfortable to say the least. Therefore, I succeeded in deterring the augmentation of my “skin disease.” Lets hope they fade soon!

Yesterday Matteo came to Milan to spend the day with me, despite the fact that I had to go to school and take a test at 2 pm. He first insisted that we go directly to see my murals, after a coffee of course! We met at the Duomo, and it was great to see him! I truly do enjoy his company, and I was pleased to be able to show him what I did in the hospital. We arrived, and he was very complimentary of my work; however, given his absent knowledge about art, I am not sure that he can fully appreciate what I did. It was only slightly disappointing. Vice versa, I cannot fully appreciate the craft and style of his writing, so I guess we’re even. At least he shows an interest in my art—and a great interest in my well-being. Afterwards, I took him to the fabulous gelateria near the hospital before turning back to my part of town to take a university test.

As we were on the tram running towards my apartment, I realized how much I liked Matteo’s company-how much I liked him. I laughed, and in a moment of surprised satisfaction that I was falling for him, I flashed him a genuine smile telling him—“Tu mi piacci.” “I like you”—giggle, giggle. As I looked beyond our momentary flirtation to Milan passing by the tram windows—still glimmering with affection--, my eye caught a sticker stamped on a passing pole that read, “I love Mark.” I am not kidding you—it’s the honest to God truth. I was stupefied over the coincidence. I got over it, and I went on enjoying our day together.

I took my test, and I got a 29 out of 30, which I thought was completely deserving of a perfect score. I, in fact, don’t give a damn about that school so I wasn’t going to get fussy about one point on a test. However, in principle, I thought it was absurd and unjust not to give us full credit after many many hours of organization and labor on the project. I used my hospital murals as my project for my only visual art course offered during the semester, and I orally presented my exam with my friend Massimigliano who created the graphic panels to accompany my work. The only plausible reason for detracting one point would be because it was a more commercialized, less personal project or body of work. Those two “artsy professors” can go take a hike and get lost in their absorbed worlds. To add to my complete dislike of the course, the school structure, and the annoying exam set-up (oral exams that last all the live long day), I also just wanted to escape to spend time with Matteo. It was nice to see many of my classmates, but I am not really close with any of them due to my part-time status and the fact that I am not your typical art girl type. In fact, my favorite classmates are my friends from Iraq. I’m an odd ball in many ways, but I find it hard to find good friends, in any sector.

Grrrr. Stop. I have no skills, and I hate the fact that I want to be an artist. I don’t know what I want any more. I give up. I found a job opportunity to teach art in a middle school/ art history teacher in a high school here-stable job, speaking English, decent pay. But, it has nothing to do really with my ambitions, so does it have any effing sense other than the fact that it is an opportunity and it is in Italy. Not really. Anything sounds good when you are on your last dollar, as I am. It takes either a crazy or wise person to turn down opportunities that seem to be heaven sent. And I was so excited and relieved earlier…..I hate me!