Moving on with Matteo...

Sept 14th, 2009

It has been bothering me lately the fact that I am really starting to like Matteo while I still have feelings towards Mark. I thought that it was only right to inform Mark about the fact that I am practically in a new relationship: the first relationship since that with Mark that I have actually been stimulated by all facets of our interaction—I really like Matteo, and real and true blue attraction for me is nearly impossible to find. I require a great level of mutual respect and intrigue—among an insanely long list of things.

Aside form my insanely long list, I have six qualities that I deem absolutely pertinent: 1. Passion 2. Sense of adventure/spontaneity 3. Genuinely good/moral/humble 4. Lively personality 5. Respect 6. Intelligence and cultural sensitivity—good exchange. If I had to throw in a 7th, I would want that he likes physical activity or sports so we can run together or something. I know, simple things can be impossible to find in nice quantities. I might be crazy—but I will say that lists don’t matter much when there is respect, intrigue, and the X-factor. The X-factor is key, and it is very difficult to achieve—for me that is.

Anyways, I talked to Mark for a long time last night. Mark and I have never re-found a place for solid footing, and in my opinion a possible reunion with him should come with natural timing. Until then, it has no sense for me to continue thinking about him when I should have new experiences—especially considering the fact that it is rare that I find these sentiments.

Of course it was awkward and almost absurd discussing it with him, but it was only right that he knew. He encouraged me to date Matteo, even though that was probably very hard for him to say. Cutting out most all of our long conversation, he said at the end: “All I was really saying was that you set the bar very high for me and I don't think ...out of your own self respect..it should ever be lowered for anybody...ok enough of that!” He also told me that I am always in his heart. OMG—he always encourages me to never lower my levels of self respect because he doesn’t think that other guys can understand my worth. I don’t know. Mark will always occupy a place of my heart, and he is incredibly dear--but now is not the time or the place for him, and we both realize this. It could be that we are not meant to be, but I will not worry about that. I want to enjoy the moment!

Okay, I do not want to bring this rather heavy conversation back into my blogs—it is more interesting to talk more about my life here instead of old flames and internal feelings. For now, I am really happy spending time and having experiences with Matteo!

From now on-much more present conversations, and I will plug in some good Italian revelations soon. This blog is missing many of my “first impressions” and “explanations” about Italy that are present in my earlier blogs—I’ll throw some in soon!