Relationships...

August 8, 2009

I had wanted to write earlier tonight, but my Italian friend, Matteo, called me on Skype. Now I am exhausted from exerting my slightly rusty Italian, and we talked for a long time.

My family and I just arrived home from a small vacation in Cape May, New Jersey, for a few days of family relaxation. We often made family trips to Cape May when I was little, and its quaint and colorful Victorian neighborhoods along the coast are familiar settings that always conjure up past memories of bike rides and beach days. It was very special to be able to spend that time with them because our schedules are usually so busy, and we truly had a lovely time. We were lucky to have beautiful weather all four days, which is a rarity anymore on the Jersey coast. We arrived home at dinnertime, and my mom made us all burgers that we ate along with less than appealing ears of corn—the corn season here hasn’t yielded anything spectacular here this summer.

I had plans to go out to meet various friends in Pittsburgh for the night, but they all fell through due to various reasons and my own lack of motivation. My best friend, Jenn, had a date with her new “E Harmony” boyfriend, Matt. Jenn is my friend who works in the supply chain field for the steel company. To vouch for her, I will say that she joined the online network due to her lack of eligible single girlfriends in the city, her job hours, and the lack of men in the Pittsburgh area. Don’t even try meeting a guy at a bar in the burgh—it is a seemingly impossible task to find good guys that don’t act and dress like big douche bags. We have two extremes—the hat backwards burgh boy that speaks in slang, has no intention of venturing outside the city, swears by the Steelers, and throws back beers until belligerent with his dude buddies on the Southside convinced that nothing exists outside of that lifestyle. The other type is the too-tight, glitter-studded, T-shirt guy that looks like a freaking idiot in a shirt three sizes too small for his overly inflated muscles—he is over-aging quickly, completely brainless, and sadly self-absorbed; this type frequents the chinsy or ghetto night clubs and wanna-be posche bars.

E harmony really seems to have integrated itself well with the corporate working world, and I will admit that the concept is practically founded. However, I am currently opposed to this practice as it takes away the beauty of chance and the serendipity of life. It seems too contrived to find your soul mate based on computer “matching” in a database of shared interests. I would be sorrowfully disappointed in life’s journey if I was meant to find my other half because the internet matching site said that we both liked “skiing, hot cocoa and valued friendship.” (Of course, I am aware that it is much more complicated process than that). However, I feel that it has too much power to change what might be “natural per courses.” Who knows, who cares?

The current story with Jenn’s cyber relationship is a bit different than the normal E Harmony date--in fact, it is an incredible story!! They had both realized that they had indeed met once before at a bar in Pittsburgh months ago. To add to that, Jenn found out after their first real phone conversation that his grandparents are best friends with my grandparents! It is a very startling coincidence considering the size of my town and that of Pittsburgh. In addition, I had sat next to the Miller’s at my cousins wedding this summer, and I spent a good amount of time talking with them at my brother’s graduation party. In fact, my grandparents have always told me stories about Matthew, as did his with our family, but we had never had the occasion to meet in person. At the graduation party, his grandparents had even insinuated that they wanted us to meet one another. Ironically, Jenn, who also attended the party, in the meantime was busy texting away to Matt, her new E harmony crush. Who would have thunk it! Matt admitted that he was to have attended with his grandparents, but he backed out at the last minute with other plans. In that case, he and Jennifer, had they not recognized one another at our random graduation party at my house, would have been busy texting one another while at the same party. Incredible. Considering their near and natural “run-ins,” would they have met again later? Anyways, they went out tonight, and Jenn really likes him. He is still the Miller’s grandchild to me, and he will remain an intriguing mystery until we meet through Jenn—through E harmony. Haha.

The world is changing so abruptly and drastically through the availability of cyberspace contacting; it is scary. It seems unnatural to me that something that should happen spontaneously in “real life” finds its beginning so systematically generated. I can’t say that I am opposed to people finding their “matches” online because it is undeniable that it does increase your dating game; however, it is against my belief in allowing the discoveries of life, in place and time—maybe we can even throw in the ideas of fate and chance, for goodness sake!!! Let me remind you that if someone shot out the satellites, our little constructed virtual worlds would crash and a lot of people would find themselves without some mighty crutches—including me in reference to email.

I mean, I expect a little more out of a love story. I don’t want to say that I met him online, and we began shortly there after, moving our relationship to “texting” status. Common! In what era are we living, and why have human relations deteriorated to such a great degree that a man can’t call you on the phone to have a normal conversation!! Instead, most men-or boys, send text messages because in my opinion, they don’t have enough balls, courtesy, or conversational skills, to be a man and communicate in a respectful and traditional manner. Honestly, I can’t tell you how many times a guy has totally Effed up his game by sending me a meaningless text message with some stupid and uncreative entrance line. The man I will fall for will be gallant for at least having the social grace to call me and say, “ Hi, Cara, its X, it was so nice talking to you the other day….” I don’t think it is too much to ask, and it’s the least they can do.

I am 24 years old, and I’ve only had one serious relationship—the numbers aren’t too promising. At this point, I can still securely say that I refuse to join e harmony, and it is pointless for my lifestyle. I get worried now and then that I am forcing instability upon myself because I have something to prove or dreams to follow--I hope that I’m not missing the point. I’ve always been convicted that if I follow my own heart, I will find the right person on the way, not someone for whom I settled for because I settled for a life I wasn’t passionate about. Sigh, all this passion Cara—poor girl, she doesn’t know whats comin’. Exactly.